I have a brand new life it seems. I live in a new town, in a new house, with new friends, a new goal, and 3 new jobs. I am still Alli, but sometimes I don’t even recognize myself. If you’d told me at this time last year I would be sitting in San Angelo, Tx single, and going to school for my Master’s degree I’d never have believed you. Yet, here I am. Things have changed so drastically. It is funny how God moves us from phase to phase of our lives. We can kick, scream, and cry, but in the end He sees to it that we end up where he wants. I truly believe this. As crazy as it may seem, I believe I am supposed to be right where I am at this very moment.
I made the choice to come back West after my heart was smashed into millions of pieces. Whether anyone knows it or not, the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life was pack everything I own into a moving truck and drive away from the only life that I’d ever had that was really mine. I went to College Station as a child. I pulled into the city limits for the first time knowing nothing about myself or the world, I left knowing who I was and more than I ever thought possible about others. I left with pain in my heart, and tears in my eyes. BUT I left with my head held high. (damn here come the tears again) I left College Station for myself. I drove 349 miles to San Angelo to take me back. Over the past year I’d not only fallen in love, I’d allowed myself to lose my own identity. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. It was the most fun I’ve ever had in my entire life. The problem was that I’d been willing to follow my heart and allow someone in. For the first time in my life I let someone else become a top priority in my life, however for whatever reason, he couldn’t do the same. It was a gamble, and I came home empty handed. But it was the best game I’ve ever played.
I can’t say I’ve moved on, because I believe time and only time can heal certain pains. But I can say that I dug myself out of a crater sized hole these past couple of months. I’ve recently come to the realization that I have so much ambition I annoy myself sometimes. I’m in a master’s program at Angelo State. I have 3 jobs at the moment, they are all part time and all really flexible, but it’s really tough to balance work, and being a full time student. And most recently I have set a goal of running at least 2 miles every day (this may seem little, but I hate running). I’ve come a long way from the girl in College Station who thought she had nothing going for her. Sometimes reality hits me, and I miss certain things about not people, but about the life I had there. I miss College Station, I miss Lana, my friends, the fun things to do around town, Ozona’s, and the Aggie Spirit. But I know to get the things that matter in life, we must sometimes do things that aren’t fun and aren’t easy. Someone once told my dad “Alli gives 110% at all she does” I wish that person would have followed my lead.
So here I am. A year after taking that chance. I feel like I learned more in the previous year than I’d learned in all of the 23 before it. Because I am my Mother’s daughter I’ve created a list. Enjoy.
1. When you feel like you’re nothing, and no one really cares, God will put someone in your life to show you different. Even if that someone is a puppy who licks your face every morning at 7am to wake you up.
2. Never tell anyone that “actions speak louder than words” unless you are prepared to act.
3. When your friends and family tell you anything, believe it. Even if it hurts.
4. Sometimes losing yourself for a while is a good thing.
5. If you ever go into the last bathroom stall in Ozona’s women’s restroom, wash your hands when you leave. Trust me on this one.
6. When people tell you they love you, no matter how much you believe them, don’t get lost in those words. Sometimes people take those words back.
7. Enjoy the fun times; the times where you spend all day on a pullout sofa bed in front of the fireplace eating dominos pizza. Those memories are the ones that will outlast the bad memories.
8. Even though it might not be appreciated, always go over and beyond what you should. You never know when it will pay off. Even when it doesn’t, you did your best and that’s always honorable.
9. Make scrap books.
10. Never buy your girlfriend anything from the Dallas Cowboy store on y’alls first Christmas.
11. Smile even when you want to cry. You never know who is watching you.
12. Drugs hurt the people who love the user more than they hurt the user. (that’s saying a lot considering drugs can kill the user).
13. Call of Duty can’t hold you at night.
14. If someone tells you they need help, there is nothing you can do unless they WANT to get help.
15. Dreams don’t come true on their own, you have to get off your ass and make them.
16. If someone never goes out of their way for you, get out of their way for them. Its not worth waiting for them to change. They won’t.
17. Some people care only about themselves. There is nothing you can ever do to change that.
18. Sometimes a fresh start can be the most painful thing in the world to get, but once you do, it all becomes worth it.
19. No matter how hard you try, you can’t rush healing. There is no substitute for time.
20. Even when it’s done, you will always look back. You will always want him to do something big to win you back, but fairytales are for children and aren’t real.
Fight the good fight. But remember, God is with you. He see’s all, and his arms will wrap around you any time you need them. Life is a consistent pattern which begins by taking one step.
