Picking up the pieces.

Sometimes in our lives things happen to us that we do not understand. Things happen that we don’t expect. Sometimes our entire lives are shattered into tiny pieces, and we can’t even begin to know which piece to pick up first. All we can do is stand in shock and disbelief.

I’m standing there now.

A few weeks ago, my life changed in a pretty drastic way. The person I had been with for over 9 months decided that he no longer wanted to be with me. My entire world fell to pieces in front of me. One night everything was “fine” we were “good” and I was loved. The next morning I was alone on my bedroom floor trying to remind myself to breathe. I didn’t understand it then, and I don’t understand it now. The only explanation was “I don’t know”. I’m not really sure what to do at the moment. I tried to live my life and pretend everything was fine. I told myself, there was no other girl. I told myself he needed time. I told myself I was fine. However, weeks later I am just realizing none of those things are true. I have nothing left of the life I thought I had, or the life I thought I wanted. I live in a town I chose because of him, I live in a house I chose because of him, I even have hair the color I chose because of him. I built my house on the sand, and a storm came and washed it away. I messed up. I followed my heart and not my brain.

But the truth is I’d do it again in a second.

Was it worth this pain, definitely not. Was it worth this experience, hell yes. Even though I wanted to be with him more than anything I had going at the time, I was still me. I loved the best I could. I gave 110% when I didn’t have to give anything. I was the best girlfriend I could be. I know I am not perfect, but I gave my all. More than anything I was a friend, to someone who needed me. He just couldn’t give me back what I was giving him. This is a theme I’d seen before. I was the happiest I’d ever been for those few months. I will miss the laughter and the conversations more than anything. My mind is filled with memories that can bring tears to my eyes instantly. It was so very good to be Michael’s girlfriend. I will miss it for a while. However, I know that God has a plan for me. I know it exceeds anything I could ever imagine. I know I must have faith in what He has for me, and not what I want. I know this isn’t up to me, no matter how much I want it to be. I know that I can take this experience and learn from it. I can make myself stronger, and more wise. I refuse to let this change the way I live and the way I love. I will not put up a wall. I will continue to put my everything into whatever it is I am doing in life. One day, He will decide when its time I am given that back.
I am strong. But I am nothing without Christ. I know he is here with me every day. I am constantly asking for his comfort and support, and whether I realize it or not, he is giving it to me. I can do all things in him, and I SWEAR I WILL. I am still going to change the world one day, but as of now, I’m only sure I’ve changed a few lives, and I know I changed Michael’s. I know because he changed mine as well.


I believe in myself, and I like the person I am. I know what a rare and precious jewel I am, and one day someone will come along and see me shining. I’ve got to just keep doing what I do best, living and laughing. I am so thankful for my family and friends right now. I don’t know what I would do without them right now. I love my parents more than I ever thought possible, I don’t know why I gave them such a hard time as a kid. I guess it was to prepare them for Madeline, I’m kidding.


I will come back from this shock, and I will pick up the pieces and put them back in even better places. I’ve already begun.

Puppy Breath

Last Saturday I made a decision. Somewhere between waking up and going out to dinner with Michael I ended up with a half lab /half weimaraner puppy. It was love at first site. Even though I’m going to have to move into a place with a yard when my lease is up, and I am going to have to spend more time at home, I love her. She is the sweetest little girl ever. I decided to name her Lola, it was either that or Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. Michael said the latter was too long, so Lola it is. She is a monster sometimes, and is teething, so I will probably lose a few things around the house. But so far so good. She loves me. She will try to bite my fingers off with her sharp puppy teeth, then lay her head in my lap and look at me with her bright eyes, and I melt. We go to the park a lot. And I never sleep anymore, because I am constantly running from her kennel to the yard at all hours of the night. I have never said the word “NO” so much in my life. I have even become one of those crazy people who read “How to Train Your Pet” books. It’s a shame, but I love her. I love her so very much.
Everything else is good right now. Just working, and enjoying life. Michael is super busy with school these days, I miss him sometimes, but I am so proud of him. He is so smart. Things that would take me hours and hours to learn, he looks over once and knows. He is one of those guys you love to hate, because you waste time and effort trying to learn something, then he walks up, looks at it, and knows it like he has done it all his life. For instance…. They opened a Cracker Barrel Restaurant in Bryan. They have those triangle peg games there… you know, the ones with golf tee looking things in it, and you can only jump pegs to remove them… yeah. He looks at it for 3 seconds and does it perfect. I tried about 57 times and can only get down to 4 pegs. It’s a crying shame. Haha. It’s the little things in life that motivate us to continue.
I went wedding dress shopping with Michelle this past weekend. She picked the most beautiful dress I’ve ever seen. It looks amazing on her as well. I really can’t wait for her wedding. I can not believe she is getting married. Its such a huge step. I mean… marriage is scary. I’d prefer to be a crazy cat lady any day. But her wedding is approaching, and that means Spring is here!! I can’t believe it’s the 1st of March. I swear it was August yesterday. Time has flown by. I can’t wait to see what happens next.