Off the Wagon

The last time I updated this blog, I had just moved to La Porte, and I was waiting to begin teaching high school biology in Baytown. If this is the first time you’ve ever read my blog, I recommend reading a few of my past blogs to see just how far I’ve come in the past few years. I started this while living a different life, in a different world. But here I am.

Things could not be going better in life. Some days are still challenging. But the worst day here, is still better than the best day from my previous life. Teaching has been an experience so far. I love my job, and my coworkers. I definitely feel like I am meeting  a need with some of these children. It is trying, but so rewarding. Over the past month or so, I’ve gotten involved in a few different groups outside of work. I’ve met some amazing people, and I’ve developed some awesome friendships.  I found an awesome church, and started having a women’s small group meet at my house every Wednesday night, I joined a gym, and I’ve been going out into the community and meeting people. I’ve even managed to check out some local bands, and find some great venues to hang out at. I’ve made so many wonderful memories in these past few weeks. I’ve been having a GREAT time. Last week I finished my first masters degree with a 4.0. I honestly had doubts about finishing it when I started a few years ago. I felt so broken and lost then, but I did the only thing I knew how, I continued to work hard. I will walk across the stage Dec. 15, then turn around and finish my second masters degree in May. I’ve never been so proud of myself, or humbled. When I thought my life was perfect and wonderful back in 2010, it was all stripped away. God had a better plan for me. I was constantly told that, but didn’t really completely believe it. I put my worth in someone else.

Over the past few years or so, I’ve felt so much pressure to “find someone” or “settle down” (what the hell does settling down even mean? I had chickens in my yard last year and was going to bed every night by 9pm. Slowing down would have been dying).  But I’ve realized that I don’t want to settle. Ever. This is my life, the only life I will ever have. I want to be anything but settled. I want to explore this world, discover things I never knew existed, make friends, and make mistakes. I want to dream, and go after those dreams. I don’t need anyone else to accomplish greatness. I shouldn’t be striving to “find” someone. I want them to have a hard time finding me because I’m never standing still.

Don’t stage an intervention for me.

I’m not off the wagon (I’ve never even really seen a wagon), I know that consequences follow every decision we make in life. I know that certain paths and risks shouldn’t be taken. I’m not saying I think its ok to shoot heroin in an alley with a guy named Tony (a guy named Tony did offer me heroin once, long story. And yes, I said no). But, I want to experience life, the good things. I feel like I can appreciate this life better because I’ve lived so many different lives in it. I’ve never felt so comfortable and so secure in life than I have over these past few weeks.

 This is what 26 should be. I have an awesome career, a kick ass house, and I go out all the time with awesome friends. Despite what I’ve been told, and continue to be told, I don’t need anyone else. If I find someone, cool, if not, oh well.  I kind of started thinking something was wrong when everyone kept telling me I needed to “find” someone else to be happy. I started feeling like I wasn’t doing something right, or that I wasn’t good enough. But I am. My life is amazing, and its all mine. I’m sick of people making me feel incomplete. I’ve even started having fun with it. A lady at the dog park was asking me all kinds of personal questions. When she asked why I wasn’t married, I told said “because I killed him” I kind of laughed in a weird way, and I don’t think she was convinced I was joking. It was awesome. I’m going to try it again next time.

 God has blessed me more than I ever thought possible. I’m just going to enjoy it, and see what happens next. That is the only plan I have. If the past few weeks are any indicator of what’s to come, there are more good times in store. I got my fake nails taken off so I can play my guitar again, and embarrass myself sitting around the fire pit with friends on fall nights, and my garage is the perfect place for an intense beer pong tournament. What more could a girl want? Except maybe someone to go camping with, who rides a Harley, and wants to take me fishing…

I found my niche in the world. 

I am happy. 

The Sea is calling...

            This Summer has flown by, and so has the life I became familiar with over the last year. This Summer, everything changed. I moved away from my small town life in Boling, to a new town where goats don't eat my flowers, and chickens don't poop on my porch.
             I now live in the suburbs of Houston. I never thought I'd end up here, but I am so grateful I did. It has honestly taken some getting used to on my part. I don't have to mow my yard, I have a guy for that. I don't have to take the trash out, there are people who pick it up from my curb. I don't have to ever wait to go to wal mart, there are at least 3 within a 6 mile radius. I live in a subdivision where there is a HOA, and neighborhood pool. Starbucks is on every corner. There are stores I've never even seen a commercial for. I've come a long way from being the blue eyed barefoot girl who would tan in her backyard in the desert of West Texas. Back then things were simple. If you needed something you waited, coffee came from the local town and country convenient store, and eating out meant going to Sonic, Dairy Queen, or Pizza Hut. Dad mowed the lawn, and mail came straight to the mailbox at your house. Even last year, things were different from my hometown, but not really. I sometimes feel like I live on a different planet, but I don't. I'm still in the same state, just in a different world.
           I remember the first time I came to Houston with an ex of mine. He was from here, I never could get over how he knew where the big scary highways and interstates all went. He knew what was in the tall buildings, he was comfortable here. To me, everything was new, too big, and scary. Fast forward 3 years, and here I am. Living in a subdivision with palm trees in my yard. The locals at the dog park know my dog's name. I am starting to fit in. I know a lot about which roads go where, and the areas that are fun to explore. I'm learning more every day. I'm not scared or overwhelmed, I'm excited. I'm changing.
         Life is a trip.
I've never been around large bodies of water. I'm from the desert, a town with no lake, no river, hardly enough water for plants in the yard. But here, it rains almost every day. There are lakes, bays, rivers, bayous, and the Gulf of Mexico. I'm in love with beach. I can't get enough of it. Last week Kate and the girls came up to visit. We took them to Galveston and road the ferry across to the Bolivar Peninsula. The girls were so excited. We went back two days in a row. It's literally 30 min from my house. The beach there is so peaceful. Not many people are there, and the ocean stretches out as far as you can see. It's quiet, and when the sun sets, its like an explosion in the sky. It was fun taking the girls, but most of my time was spent playing with them. It was a blast.
      Yesterday I woke up in a weird mood. Its hard not knowing anyone. There is tons to do, but no one to do it with. I just felt lonely. I needed to think, to figure some stuff out. It was my last free Friday of the Summer, I didn't want to spend it at home bummed out. So I loaded Lola in my car, got a towel, my swim suite, and headed out. We went across the ferry to the beach. No one was there. I got to take her off her leash and let her run free. I also let my mind run free. There is just something special about standing next to the ocean. Its like everything that is so crammed in your mind, all your troubles, all your worries, they just wash away with the waves. I don't know how long, but I just sat on my blanket starring out into the sea. I love feeling so tiny and unimportant. Its salt water therapy. I'm in love with the beach.
     Yesterday was also awesome because I got to hang out with someone I hadn't seen in 7 years. An old friend from high school. I couldn't believe it had been so long. We are still the same people, we just live in different worlds now. She's married to a doctor and is about to have a baby any day now. I'm a single high school teacher who loves cold beer and is about to finish 2 masters degrees. But we were able to pick right up where we left off. It was as if I'd seen her yesterday. Thats rare.
    My thoughts today are that life changes constantly. It never stops, everyone knows this. And as much as I hate to admit it, we change too. I'm not the same person I once was. No one is. But the people we become is a result of where we have been and what choices we have made. We have the power to better our lives or make them worse. Bad luck happens, but how we handle those hurdles defines where we finish the race. If you aren't satisfied in life (some of us never will be), change it. Move forward. Its ok to move around, to try new things, to mess up. As long as we keep working hard and keep moving, we can never be stuck.
       I'm excited about this new chapter. I'm excited to start teaching in Baytown, and see what life in the suburbs is really like. I'm excited to meet new people, and make new memories. But I'll never forget where I've been and the friendships I've made, because they in turn, made me.


"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."Proverbs 3:5-6

Goodbye 2011

I've always particularly hated analogies. I have. Especially the "life is like a roller coaster with ups and downs" analogy. But in this early morning haze, I feel like the roller coaster analogy best describes the previous year of my life.

It started at a low point. I was afraid, and felt alone in something I'd never experienced before. I'd invested in something I thought was worth it, when it didn't go where I'd planned, I was left in an unfamiliar place, with a broken heart. That was not fun. I knew at some point I'd go up, and things would get better. However, at the bottom I couldn't yet see what was all around me. I had no idea what climbs and loops lay ahead. I just knew I had to hold on.

As the year progressed, I began to look around and see that the farther from the bottom I got, the more I could see in the distance. I saw beauty again. I saw laughter, happiness, and God's warmth. I met new people, I made new memories and experiences. I learned more. All the while I knew I couldn't look back down at where I'd come from. However, a few times of looking back was inevitable. Despite looking, the ride continued to progress farther and farther away from its beginning. It was fun. I went out, heard some amazing music, and found the person who had disappeared for a short time.

Just when things seemed to flatten back out, a loop happened. I moved away, started a career in a new place. I had an entire new life. Though it hasn't always been awesome, I love it. I love my town, my house, and my job. I love being an adult depending on myself. I love being this single person who has absolute freedom to go and do whatever I decide at the moment. From up here, I can see off into the distance. I have set new goals, and I am so grateful for all the experiences this ride has given me. I've achieved more than I ever thought possible in 2011. Like I said, it started broken hearted and lost, and it has ended happy and accomplished.

I'm very much looking forward to what 2012 has to offer. I can not wait to accomplish a life goal and go to Ireland. I can't wait to meet my nephew. I don't believe in setting New Year's resolutions, but if I did, mine would be to accomplish more in 2012 than I did in 2011. However, that would be an intense challenge.

God is so good to me, even when I don't ask him to be, his unconditional love is the biggest blessing, and it happens year after year. I truly am amazed by His love. He is an awesome roller coaster operator :)

Because I take pictures of absolutely everything, and my new macbook has an awesome photo organization program, I've composed a photo timeline of 2011 for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy.

January

Lola continued to grow into a beast. She is the greatest dog in the world.

I worked 3 jobs while I was in San Angelo, and I absolutely loved working at GCDC, it is a non profit organization that does amazing things for its community. The two other guys who worked in the office with me are awesome, a day didn't go by that I didn't laugh incredibly hard. We played so many jokes on each other. It was an amazing experience, and I miss it. At one point, I made the poster above, with Manny on it. It spread like wildfire. So many laughs from all over town. One of my favorite memories.I loved meeting people in San Angelo, and going to all of Manny's shows. My favorite place was a venue down town called "The House of Fifi Dubois." So many fun nights were spent hanging around that place. I miss it so much.

Lola loved living in West Texas. There are so many cool places I found to take her where she could run free. This is one of my favorite places, its on the other side of a dam. I discovered it in Jan, we went out there at least twice a week every week I lived in Angelo after that.

February

February started extremely cold!! It was below freezing in the teens for over 4 straight days. School/work was cancelled and Lola and I played in the snow all day every day. It was my first real time to ever see actual snow. I loved it. When it warmed up, we were back at seeing local bands. The picture of us girls was taken before what will always be known as the "Michael Jordan Incident". Haha... Good times.

March

March is always my favorite month. The trees start filling out and the temperature starts rising. Lola and I really enjoyed this past march. We were always outdoors.

Spring Break 2011 was one for the books. I spent the week in Vegas for Maddie's Bachelorette party, and in Arizona visiting Michelle and going to a Flogging Molly concert on St. Patti's day. I can't even talk about half of the things that happened. I've been sworn to secrecy.

April

April was fun. My best friend Mackenzy came to visit from New York. We had an awesome time as usual. I got to spend time with my family and got a nice tan at the lake. However, in April west Texas caught on fire, and burned all Summer long, it was the worst fire season in several years, maybe ever.

May

May was awesome! It was spent hanging out with friends, enjoying the sunny days, and planning for the next year. It was in May I decided to accept the job I was offered and move East.

June

June was a mess. It started off great though, my friend Landon came to visit and I volunteered him to be in the Juneteenth parade with me for my job. We were the only white people there besides my boss. So much fun though! Then I went to College Station one weekend so that Keny could come with me to Houston to house hunt, and while I was there the hot water heater at my house in Angelo burst. It flooded the entire house. Everything got ripped up by the workers, and before I could get home the house was a wreck. My landlord wanted to redo the house so I had to start planning my move out QUICK, fortunately I had found a cute house to live in out East, so I wasn't homeless, although I did live in Ashlie's spare bedroom for a week while I picked up and packed the chaos at my house there. That experience had some awesome memories of its own. It was a great week, and the air mattress wasn't that bad! It was a great last week in San Angelo. I'll never forget my time there.

July

July was a busy month. I packed everything I own and with the help of my parents and friends, moved down to south Texas. Within a week of being here I started my career of being a coach and teacher. It was such a busy time. 2 a days started at the end of July and I had an entire classroom to set up and decorate. I got it all done and couldn't believe how different my life had become. I also took advantage of living 30 minutes from the beach. Lola and I went several times before school started. I got a great tan, and even met some cool people!

August

In August, I turned 25 years old. I also turned into a teacher. It was a great month, I learned so much in such a short period of time. My parents came up for my birthday and I got to take them into Houston. It was great. I also learned in August that I was going to be an aunt to a baby boy.

September

September was great. The weather was nice, we finally got some rain and the grass and trees were full. Lola enjoyed the weather. I bought new patio furniture, however I stayed really busy with coaching, so I didn't have much time to hang out in the back yard.

October

October was a fast month. Not too much happened. I finally got to go home and visit my family for the first time since July. The Aggies were having a horrible season, so their flag got flown at half mass during that streak. Halloween came and went, I've never passed out so much candy in my life. Lola hated her costume :)

November

November was all about the football! I got to go visit my friend Michelle who had just moved back to Texas! We had a great time, even though I had to rent a car to go see her. Dad and I went to an Aggie game along with Tony, Lindy, Michelle, Nick, and Landon. It was a great time, the Aggies FINALLY won!! I went home for Thanksgiving and got to see the Texas game with my family. Always good to be home.

December

December was amazing! I decorated my house and my tree, it was nice having my own house to decorate! My desk was covered with gifts from the children on the last day of class. No razors or poison either!! Mackenzy and Johnny came over from Ireland and spent the holiday in San Angelo and Sonora! It was great! I can't wait to go visit them! I got to catch up with old friends and visit my favorite places in San Angelo. I got to spend lots of time with friends and family. It was a great break, I wish it were longer. I finally bought myself a MacBook Pro! It feels amazing to be independent and know I can finally do things on my own without depending on others. Such an accomplished feeling, no matter how small it may be.

So the year is over. So many memories and fun times, so many struggles and trials. The only thing in this life that is constant is change. I can not wait for what is to come.

Oh Baby Baby its a Wild World.