Off the Wagon

The last time I updated this blog, I had just moved to La Porte, and I was waiting to begin teaching high school biology in Baytown. If this is the first time you’ve ever read my blog, I recommend reading a few of my past blogs to see just how far I’ve come in the past few years. I started this while living a different life, in a different world. But here I am.

Things could not be going better in life. Some days are still challenging. But the worst day here, is still better than the best day from my previous life. Teaching has been an experience so far. I love my job, and my coworkers. I definitely feel like I am meeting  a need with some of these children. It is trying, but so rewarding. Over the past month or so, I’ve gotten involved in a few different groups outside of work. I’ve met some amazing people, and I’ve developed some awesome friendships.  I found an awesome church, and started having a women’s small group meet at my house every Wednesday night, I joined a gym, and I’ve been going out into the community and meeting people. I’ve even managed to check out some local bands, and find some great venues to hang out at. I’ve made so many wonderful memories in these past few weeks. I’ve been having a GREAT time. Last week I finished my first masters degree with a 4.0. I honestly had doubts about finishing it when I started a few years ago. I felt so broken and lost then, but I did the only thing I knew how, I continued to work hard. I will walk across the stage Dec. 15, then turn around and finish my second masters degree in May. I’ve never been so proud of myself, or humbled. When I thought my life was perfect and wonderful back in 2010, it was all stripped away. God had a better plan for me. I was constantly told that, but didn’t really completely believe it. I put my worth in someone else.

Over the past few years or so, I’ve felt so much pressure to “find someone” or “settle down” (what the hell does settling down even mean? I had chickens in my yard last year and was going to bed every night by 9pm. Slowing down would have been dying).  But I’ve realized that I don’t want to settle. Ever. This is my life, the only life I will ever have. I want to be anything but settled. I want to explore this world, discover things I never knew existed, make friends, and make mistakes. I want to dream, and go after those dreams. I don’t need anyone else to accomplish greatness. I shouldn’t be striving to “find” someone. I want them to have a hard time finding me because I’m never standing still.

Don’t stage an intervention for me.

I’m not off the wagon (I’ve never even really seen a wagon), I know that consequences follow every decision we make in life. I know that certain paths and risks shouldn’t be taken. I’m not saying I think its ok to shoot heroin in an alley with a guy named Tony (a guy named Tony did offer me heroin once, long story. And yes, I said no). But, I want to experience life, the good things. I feel like I can appreciate this life better because I’ve lived so many different lives in it. I’ve never felt so comfortable and so secure in life than I have over these past few weeks.

 This is what 26 should be. I have an awesome career, a kick ass house, and I go out all the time with awesome friends. Despite what I’ve been told, and continue to be told, I don’t need anyone else. If I find someone, cool, if not, oh well.  I kind of started thinking something was wrong when everyone kept telling me I needed to “find” someone else to be happy. I started feeling like I wasn’t doing something right, or that I wasn’t good enough. But I am. My life is amazing, and its all mine. I’m sick of people making me feel incomplete. I’ve even started having fun with it. A lady at the dog park was asking me all kinds of personal questions. When she asked why I wasn’t married, I told said “because I killed him” I kind of laughed in a weird way, and I don’t think she was convinced I was joking. It was awesome. I’m going to try it again next time.

 God has blessed me more than I ever thought possible. I’m just going to enjoy it, and see what happens next. That is the only plan I have. If the past few weeks are any indicator of what’s to come, there are more good times in store. I got my fake nails taken off so I can play my guitar again, and embarrass myself sitting around the fire pit with friends on fall nights, and my garage is the perfect place for an intense beer pong tournament. What more could a girl want? Except maybe someone to go camping with, who rides a Harley, and wants to take me fishing…

I found my niche in the world. 

I am happy.