The last time I updated this blog, I had just moved to La
Porte, and I was waiting to begin teaching high school biology in Baytown. If
this is the first time you’ve ever read my blog, I recommend reading a few of
my past blogs to see just how far I’ve come in the past few years. I started
this while living a different life, in a different world. But here I am.
Things could not be going better in life. Some days are
still challenging. But the worst day here, is still better than the best day
from my previous life. Teaching has been an experience so far. I love my job,
and my coworkers. I definitely feel like I am meeting a need with some of these children. It is
trying, but so rewarding. Over the past month or so, I’ve gotten involved in a
few different groups outside of work. I’ve met some amazing people, and I’ve
developed some awesome friendships. I
found an awesome church, and started having a women’s small group meet at my
house every Wednesday night, I joined a gym, and I’ve been going out into the
community and meeting people. I’ve even managed to check out some local bands,
and find some great venues to hang out at. I’ve made so many wonderful memories
in these past few weeks. I’ve been having a GREAT time. Last week I finished my
first masters degree with a 4.0. I honestly had doubts about finishing it when
I started a few years ago. I felt so broken and lost then, but I did the only
thing I knew how, I continued to work hard. I will walk across the stage Dec.
15, then turn around and finish my second masters degree in May. I’ve never
been so proud of myself, or humbled. When I thought my life was perfect and
wonderful back in 2010, it was all stripped away. God had a better plan for me.
I was constantly told that, but didn’t really completely believe it. I put my
worth in someone else.
Over the past few years or so, I’ve felt so much pressure to
“find someone” or “settle down” (what the hell does settling down even mean? I
had chickens in my yard last year and was going to bed every night by 9pm. Slowing
down would have been dying). But I’ve
realized that I don’t want to settle. Ever. This is my life, the only life I
will ever have. I want to be anything but settled. I want to explore this
world, discover things I never knew existed, make friends, and make mistakes. I
want to dream, and go after those dreams. I don’t need anyone else to
accomplish greatness. I shouldn’t be striving to “find” someone. I want them to
have a hard time finding me because I’m never standing still.
Don’t stage an intervention for me.
I’m not off the wagon (I’ve never even really seen a wagon),
I know that consequences follow every decision we make in life. I know that
certain paths and risks shouldn’t be taken. I’m not saying I think its ok to
shoot heroin in an alley with a guy named Tony (a guy named Tony did offer me
heroin once, long story. And yes, I said no). But, I want to experience life,
the good things. I feel like I can appreciate this life better because I’ve
lived so many different lives in it. I’ve never felt so comfortable and so
secure in life than I have over these past few weeks.
This is what 26
should be. I have an awesome career, a kick ass house, and I go out all the
time with awesome friends. Despite what I’ve been told, and continue to be
told, I don’t need anyone else. If I find someone, cool, if not, oh well. I kind of started thinking something was wrong
when everyone kept telling me I needed to “find” someone else to be happy. I
started feeling like I wasn’t doing something right, or that I wasn’t good
enough. But I am. My life is amazing, and its all mine. I’m sick of people
making me feel incomplete. I’ve even started having fun with it. A lady at the
dog park was asking me all kinds of personal questions. When she asked why I
wasn’t married, I told said “because I killed him” I kind of laughed in a weird
way, and I don’t think she was convinced I was joking. It was awesome. I’m
going to try it again next time.
God has blessed me
more than I ever thought possible. I’m just going to enjoy it, and see what
happens next. That is the only plan I have. If the past few weeks are any
indicator of what’s to come, there are more good times in store. I got my fake
nails taken off so I can play my guitar again, and embarrass myself sitting
around the fire pit with friends on fall nights, and my garage is the perfect
place for an intense beer pong tournament. What more could a girl want? Except
maybe someone to go camping with, who rides a Harley, and wants to take me
fishing…
I found my niche in
the world.
I am happy.
